John Holt
A Child, in growing up, may meet and learn from three different kinds of disciplines. The first and the most important is what we might call the discipline of Nature or of Reality. When he is trying to do something real, if he does the wring thing or doesn’t do the right one, he doesn’t get the result he wants. If he doesn’t’ pile one block right one top of another, or tries to build on a slanting surface, his tower falls down. if he hits the wrong key, he hears the wring note. If he doesn’t hit the nail squarely on the head, it bends, and he has to pull it out and start with another, it he doesn’t measure properly what he is trying to build, it won’t fit, stand up, fly, float, whistle, or do whatever he wants it to do, if he closes his eyes when he swings, he doesn’t hit the ball. A child meet this kind of discipline every time he tries to do something, which is why it is so important in school to give children more chances to do things, instead of just reading or listening to someone talk (or pretending to). This discipline is a great teacher. The learner never has to wait long for his answer; it usually comes quickly, often instantly. Also it is clear, and very often points toward the needed correction; from what happened he cannot only see what he did was wrong, but also why, and what he needs to do instead, Finally, and most important, the giver of the answer, call it Nature, is impersonal, impartial, and indifferent, She does not give opinions, or make judgments; she does not praise or blame; she does not remember past failures or hold grudges; with her one always gets a fresh start, this time is the one that counts.
The next discipline we might call the Discipline of Culture, of Society, of What People Really Do. Man is a social, a cultural animal. Children sense around them this culture, this network of agreements, customs, habits, and rules binding the adults together. They want to understand it and be a part of it. They watch very carefully what people around them are doing and want to do the same. They want to do right; unless they become convinced they can’t do right. Thus children rarely misbehave seriously in church [or in mosque], but sit as quietly as they can. The example of all those grown-ups is contagious. Some mysterious ritual is going on, and children, who like rituals, want to be part of it. In the same way, the little children that I see at concerts or operas, though they may fidget a little, or perhaps take a nap now and then, rarely make any disturbance. With all those grown-ups sitting there, neither moving nor talking, it is the most natural thing in the world to imitate them, children who live among adults, who are habitually courteous to each other and to them, soon learn to be courteous, Children who live surrounded by people who speak a certain way will speak that way, however much we may try to tell them the4at speaking that way is bad or wrong.
The thire discipline is the one most people mean when they speak of discipline- the Discipline of Superior Force, of sergeant to private, of “you do what I tell you or I’ ll make you wish you had.” There is bound to be some of this in a child’s life. Living as we do surrounded by things that can hurt children, or that children can hurt, we cannot avid it. We can’t afford to let a small child find out from experience the danger of playing in abusy street, or of fooling with the post on the top of a stove, or of eating up the pills in the medicine cabinet, So, along with other precautions, we say to him,, “don’t play in the street or touch things on the strove, or go into the medicine cabinet, or I’ll push you. “ Between him an d the danger too great for him to imagine we put a lesser danger, but one he can imagine and maybe therefore want to avoid. He can have no idea of what it would be like to be hit by a car, but he can imagine being shouted at or spanked, or sent to his room. He avoids these substitutes for the greater danger until he can understand it and avoid it for its own sachem but we ought to use this discipline only when it is necessary to ported the life, health safety or well-being of people or other living creatures or to prevent destruction of things that people care about, we ought not to assume too long as we usually do that a child cannot understand the real nature of the danger from which we want to protect him, the sooner he avoids the danger not to escape out punishment but as a matter of good sense the better he can learn that faster than we think, in Mexico for example where people drive their cars with a good deal of spirit I saw many children no older then five or four walking unattended on the streets. There is no way for him They understood about cars they knew what to do. A child whose life is full of the threat and fear of punishment is locked into babyhood, there is no way for him to grow up to learn to take responsibility for his life and acts Most important of all, we should not assume that having to yield to the threat of our superior force is good for the child’s character. It is never good for anyone, character to bow to superior force makes us feel impotent and cowardly for not having had the strength or courage to resist whose, it makes us resentful and vengeful we can hardly wait to make someone pay for our humiliation, yield to us as we were once made to yield No, if we cannot always avoid using the Discipline for Superior Force, we should at least use it as seldom as we can.
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